Did anyone actually watch Plaxico Burress play?

Plaxico Burress is returning to the NFL from his “made an example of” prison sentence and the speculation of where he is going to go has been mind numbingly stupid. This is sport media now though, making predictions without any kind of basis or evidence. It’s highly likely the Eagles will sign Burress according to ESPN because Andy Reid likes rebuilding projects. He’s also been linked with the Giants and Jets. The Giants obviously because he played their and the Jets because a couple people in ESPN think he might sign there too. I don’t understand the point of this pointless speculation without actually interviewing or talking to anybody involved.

But this article by Ian O’Connor takes the cake. It’s an article that is essentially a warning to NFL teams to be wary of signing Burress. Is this an article that needs to be written? The guy just got out of prison and had some character issues on and off the field before that, I don't think we need to state that there is some risk in signing him. Thank god you and all your infinite wisdom realize this could be a potential risk for a team.

My biggest problem with this "no duh" column is the way O’Connor described why the Giants were unlikely to sign Buresss.

Burress already blew up their shot at a second consecutive championship, perhaps even a dynasty, when the loaded and unlicensed Glock he carried into the Latin Quarter that fateful November 2008 night went off and blew a hole in his leg.

Really? Burress blew the Giants shot at a championship that year and a potential dynasty? Did you watch the Giants in 2008? Plaxico Burress had 35 receptions in 10 games before he shot himself in the leg. Not exactly what I’d call Jerry Rice like. The reality of that season was that he was struggling and had been battling injuries all season. Not that losing Burress was a good thing for the Giants but he wasn’t a fixture of their offense at all. The Giants lost in the 2008 playoffs not because of losing Burress but because they no longer could rush the passer or run the ball, something they did better than just about everyone all year.

I mean a potential dynasty? This is the team that came out of nowhere to win the Super bowl in 2007 and you’re saying that they had a potential dynasty? You can even make an argument that in 2007 they got hot at the right time and beat three teams with better talent than them. So while the Giants were good in 2008, to say Burress, derailed a potential dynasty is just a ridiculous thing to say.

So here’s my hopefully accurate analysis of Plaxico Burress. He’s 6'5 with good hands, unreal leaping ability and is a pretty solid route runner. This comes with the price that he takes plays off, has a history of fighting with his teammates and organizations, is inconsistent from game to game, and is frequently injured. Having watched him his whole career to me he looked like a guy on the downside of his career and now has been out of football for 3 years. Unless prison rejuvenated him I can’t see him being a game breaker for a good NFL team. This isn’t to say he won’t be useful but he’s certainly going to get more attention than he deserves this off-season.

Tom Ford: 2011’s Biggest Douche in the Universe

Fashion mogul Tom Ford released his five commandments to being a modern day gentleman and they’re shockingly shallow and pretentious. So let’s break them down.

1. You should put on the best version of yourself when you go out in the world because that is a show of respect to the other people around you.

The refined way of saying if you do not dress well then you are not a gentleman. I mean clearly you are incapable of being a gentleman towards other people if you’re not dressed appropriately.

2. A gentleman today has to work. People who do not work are so boring and are usually bored. You have to be passionate, you have to be engaged and you have to be contributing to the world.

Well isn’t this vague. I guess it doesn’t matter how you contribute or what you work on but as long as you’re well dressed, engaged and passionate about it you’re a gentleman.

3. Manners are very important and actually knowing when things are appropriate. I always open doors for women, I carry their coat, I make sure that they're walking on the inside of the street. Stand up when people arrive at and leave the dinner table.

SHOCKER!!! Gentlemen use manners! How is this any different from our preconceived notions of being a gentleman?

4. Don't be pretentious or racist or sexist or judge people by their background.

Yeah, it’s not even slightly pretentious to make a list of commandments men can follow in order to be a gentleman like you.

5 A man should never wear shorts in the city. Flip-flops and shorts in the city are never appropriate. Shorts should only be worn on the tennis court or on the beach.

Don’t ever judge people by their background unless that background includes wearing shorts and sandals when it’s 95 fucking degrees in a city. Shorts are for upper class athletic activity or the beach, all gentleman know that! This is probably one of the more ridiculous things I’ve ever read in my entire life.

So obviously I’m not a fan of Tom Ford’s commandments but who could honestly read those and not make fun of this guy? To think you’re the authority on being a gentleman to begin with makes you a douche. When you use your own self proclaimed authority to construct a list of commandments on being a gentleman you become a super pretentious douche. When one of those commandments tells men to not be pretentious you are a totally self-unaware super mega douche. When the last commandment makes an arbitrary claim men can’t wear shorts and sandals in cities you win 2011’s Biggest Douche in the Universe award.

So congratulations Tom Ford, you are 2011’s Biggest Douche in the Universe! Enjoy this honor sweating in your pants and shoes all summer.

People who care about steroids in baseball are stupid

It’s clear that we’re going to discuss steroids and baseball for the next 40 years and there’s nothing we can do about it. There’s really no avoiding it as players associated with P.E.D’s are either voted into the baseball hall of fame or excluded from it. If “cheating” players like Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens are let in it will lessen the integrity of the hall of fame and if they’re not let in some of the best baseball players ever will not be in the hall of fame, also lessening its integrity. So while I am so sick of debating something as trivial and stupid as steroids, I better get ready for another half century of arguing about it.

It seems people either fall into two camps regarding this issue. You either think steroids have somehow ruined the integrity of the game or you just don’t see what the big deal is. I personally fall into the not giving a shit about it camp and mostly because I’m just sick of the “debate” over it which I pointed out before, will never end.  Before I lose my sanity completely let’s just stop caring so much about something we can’t change.

That’s the thing about the whole mess that makes absolutely zero sense to me. Why investigate it at all? What will it prove and who will benefit from it? I think the answer is that clearly no one benefits from it.  Let’s look at this, baseball takes a credibility hit for allowing players to use “cheating” substances, the players of this era lose all credibility, and the fans get reminded everyday that for the last 15 years we watched “tainted” baseball. The worst part is that because of this stupid debate I will have the mental picture of Jose Conseco injecting a needle into Mark McGwire’s ass for the rest of my life.

I apologize, but not allowing the best players I have ever watched play into the hall of fame is not going to help anything. I will always remember Roger Clemens as the best pitcher I’ve ever seen and Barry Bonds/Alex Rodriguez as the best home run hitters I’ve ever seen. Who gives a shit if a plaque gets put up at the boring baseball hall of fame in boring Cooperstown, New York? Seriously, I grew up outside of Utica, New York and Cooperstown makes Utica look like metropolitan area.

Let’s just stop pretending that it’s steroids that are lessening the integrity of the game as if the MLB has any integrity to begin with. We’re talking about a league that instead of putting in some kind of salary cap decided to implement a luxury tax to apparently give incentive for bad teams to not spend money on their players. Then the media makes the Yankees out to be evil for spending money yet cheers on the signings of other big market teams like the Phillies and Red Sox while ignoring that the Pirates make money purposefully screwing over their fans and not putting a competitive team on the field. It is a ridiculous and a totally unfair system but most people just think it’s just the Yankees who make it unfair.

It goes beyond just the salary structure though. I watch games nightly with wildly different strike zones and see numerous blown calls on the base paths that could easily be corrected with a replay system. The outcome of games being determined by the umpires lessens the integrity of the game far more than steroids. We should not have to guess what the strike zone is every night and there is no way in hell we should have to deal with blown calls on the bases, especially not in 2011. Between this and the salary issue baseball has far bigger issues to take care of to strengthen baseball’s integrity than a wild goose chase trying to figure out what players did or didn’t take performance enhancing drugs.  

What’s truly amazing about the entire thing is that NOBODY has empathized with the players and when I say nobody, I mean nobody. Like if we were all in the same position we wouldn’t have done the same thing? Also, in most of the cases we’re looking at, the substances in question were legal when they were taken, so we’re really going to punish players for that? It’s just insanity that we hold athletes who for the most part are uneducated to this super high moral standard. Politicians, CEO’s, and Wall Street investors knowingly cheat us out of our own money every single day but we feel more cheated because baseball players hit too many home runs in the late 90’s and early 2000’s?

It just doesn’t make any sense, none of it. It doesn’t make sense we’d care about steroids in baseball when it’s pretty obvious that they play a far bigger role in other sports. It doesn’t make sense that we’d care about it more than we care that some teams spend 200 million on their players and some 25 million. It doesn’t make sense that we think steroids effect the games more than umpiring. Let’s just be rational about this, steroids are not an issue, we are making them one. In no way does investigating players who’ve taken them in the past prove anything or benefit anyone and not allowing some of the best players ever into the hall of fame certainly doesn’t solve anything. If you feel you’ve been that cheated by these players just trying to get better at the sport they entertain you by playing, then get over it because you’re most likely being cheated in ways that have actual impact on your life. So yeah, I’m a little down that we have to talk about it for the next half century. 

Call of Duty Fucking Sucks

This is supposed to be somewhat a golden age for videogames. There are three consoles that all have perks and supposedly the next big videogame innovation with motion control. However, while we’ve upgraded our televisions to HD and 3D and use a motion sensitive controller or ourselves as a controller now, the games we play have stayed almost identical. The most blatant example of this is the Call of Duty franchise, which has set the standard in being total crap.

I know this kind of talk gets COD fans furious and I’ll agree with them that Call of Duty 4 was a pretty sweet game. This was mainly because of its innovative multiplayer, not because it was remotely innovative anywhere else, i.e. see the bajillion other first person shooters or the previous iterations of the series. Now after Call of Duty 4, Call of Duty 4: World War II, Call of Duty 4: Again, and now Call of Duty 4: Cold War, I’m officially spent with this series. Activision couldn’t manage to remotely change the game play from any of these editions? I think adding a mode where you shoot zombies was about the biggest change from game to game and this itself was ripped from another game series.  Also, don’t you think we’ve reached the quota on how many games you can charge people 60 dollars for that involve killing zombies?

The current reiteration of Call of Duty 4 is called Black Ops but I’m not really sure why. I refer to it as Cold War because killing everything in sight during the Cold War is not what I’d call covert or secretive. The title implies that it is something different but it’s really the same shoot everything illogical pile of garbage. Unfortunately, this repetitive and uncreative game is the best selling game in the history of United States videogames.

Maybe I’m missing something here, but did or did not Activision release the same game with a new setting, a new unacceptably short and illogical campaign, and a slightly tweaked multiplayer 4 times with higher sales numbers each time? It’s unbelievable and the worst part is because these games are selling so well companies are copying Call of Duty’s shitty and uninventive format so they can get a bit of these stupid American’s cash.

Maybe it’s just that I’m tired of virtually shooting things for no reason or maybe it has to do with the uncivil people you have to deal with on Xbox Live. Either way, I’m sick of paying 60 dollars for a game that clearly doesn’t have a single bit of creativity put into it and won’t be purchasing Call of Duty 4: Again 3 when it comes out this fall. I recommend you think about doing the same, or at least think at all at some point in your lives because god knows a lot of Call of Duty fans could benefit from some thought once in a while.

Rick Jackson and the All-Big East First "Team"

Are any other Syracuse fans as outraged by the All-Big East First Team as I am? This is the first team roster.

ALL-BIG EAST FIRST TEAM
Kemba Walker, Connecticut, G
Austin Freeman, Georgetown, G
Ben Hansbrough, Notre Dame, G
Ashton Gibbs, Pittsburgh, G
Marshon Brooks, Providence, G-F
Dwight Hardy, St. John’s, G

How is Rick Jackson left off this team? He averaged 13.1 points, 10.7 rebounds, and 2.5 blocks a game leading the conference in both rebounding and blocks. Jackson was undoubtedly the most valuable player on Syracuse and was awarded Big East Defensive Player of the Year. Despite this Jackson was left off the first team in place of 6 guards who also happen to be the top 6 scorers in the conference. I am unbelievably frustrated by this. I don't understand how you can make an all conference "team" and not put any forwards on it. Why even call it a team in the first place if it isn't going to actually have all the positions filled?

This is really just a shame because a guy like Jackson in all probability will not be an NBA player, so this really is his basketball legacy. I have to feel for Jackson because the guy plays his ass off and really deserved to be on this team. Not to knock any of the other players on the list, but I just can't figure out how you keep the best forward in the conference off this team for guys who just score like Austin Freeman or Dwight Hardy. Also, isn't it pretty much saying that defense and rebounding aren't as important as scoring when the top 6 scoring guards in the conference are picked?

I guess in the end all conference teams and all-star teams a like are kind of a joke, so there's no use getting too worked about it. I just feel it was a blatant injustice that I can't figure out the reasoning behind. Rick Jackson shouldn't feel too bad though because he's one of the best forwards to ever attend Syracuse, and that's saying something.

This is not sports news

ESPN has a habit of posting totally unimportant news stories on its front page. The example today is this: Jerry Reinsdorf senses Bulls title run. Yes, breaking news to ESPN is the Bulls chairman in a random interview saying that his team has a chance to win the title this year and a chance to potentially win more in coming years. Conference tournaments are going on in NCAA Basketball and this is what we're reporting on? I'm sure if you interview an executive from any contending Franchise he's going to tell you something along those lines.

This is only an example of the maddening problem that ESPN has with blurring irrelevant articles with real news articles. This is just so aggravating because there has to be actual sports news to cover. I'm sure you could've interviewed Jerry Reinsdorf before the season and the interview would've been pretty similar so what is the urgency in letting the nation know about this? At least a few times a week I find articles on the front page of ESPN that are clearly not sports reporting, especially if it deals with the personal lives of Lebron James and Alex Rodriguez. I will start posting articles like this I find on this blog more often.

Hulu Plus Sucks

Hulu Plus is terrible. I signed up for a free trial expecting there to be more shows available and to not have commercials during them. Not only is there just about nothing available that's not available on the regular Hulu, there are still commercials during the shows! So you're basically paying 7.99 a month to have the ability to use Hulu on a Playstation 3, Iphone, Android, etc and watch things in HD.

Maybe this service wouldn't be as bad if it wasn't for Netflix, which is the same price, has more TV shows and movies, and streams in HD on basically any device you can think of. Even Hulu themselves knows this service sucks as they admitted in an e-mail response to an angry user.

In the ideal world, we would absolutely love and want nothing more but to be able to get every popular show out there that users love, and acquire the legal rights to stream them across every fancy device imaginable at the price that everybody wants. Unfortunately, due to stringent contract agreements on how content can be shared through certain devices, we are not able to have all of the content that everyone wants at this time.

So in an ideal world Hulu Plus wouldn't suck, but unfortunately it does and Hulu is sorry they're making you pay 7.99 for a bad service.

Unfortunately this is just beginning as Hulu will most likely take away their free service after this "preview" period is over. I really was on board with Hulu because it seemed like a win for everyone involved. The television networks were advertised, more people were able to watch shows they like, and the advertising made it relatively profitable. Obviously, something mutually good for the consumer and service provider would be too much for a company created by NBC and NewsCorp.

While Hulu is doing this to become more profitable it needs to be put in perspective that it still generates around 10 million dollars a year in profit. So really what we have here is a company trying to make you pay more for a service that is already making money. Of course the bottom line for Hulu is not pleasing its' millions of customers but making more money off them. Shame on you Hulu.