Fashion mogul Tom Ford released his five commandments to being a modern day gentleman and they’re shockingly shallow and pretentious. So let’s break them down.
1. You should put on the best version of yourself when you go out in the world because that is a show of respect to the other people around you.
The refined way of saying if you do not dress well then you are not a gentleman. I mean clearly you are incapable of being a gentleman towards other people if you’re not dressed appropriately.
2. A gentleman today has to work. People who do not work are so boring and are usually bored. You have to be passionate, you have to be engaged and you have to be contributing to the world.
Well isn’t this vague. I guess it doesn’t matter how you contribute or what you work on but as long as you’re well dressed, engaged and passionate about it you’re a gentleman.
3. Manners are very important and actually knowing when things are appropriate. I always open doors for women, I carry their coat, I make sure that they're walking on the inside of the street. Stand up when people arrive at and leave the dinner table.
SHOCKER!!! Gentlemen use manners! How is this any different from our preconceived notions of being a gentleman?
4. Don't be pretentious or racist or sexist or judge people by their background.
Yeah, it’s not even slightly pretentious to make a list of commandments men can follow in order to be a gentleman like you.
5 A man should never wear shorts in the city. Flip-flops and shorts in the city are never appropriate. Shorts should only be worn on the tennis court or on the beach.
Don’t ever judge people by their background unless that background includes wearing shorts and sandals when it’s 95 fucking degrees in a city. Shorts are for upper class athletic activity or the beach, all gentleman know that! This is probably one of the more ridiculous things I’ve ever read in my entire life.
So obviously I’m not a fan of Tom Ford’s commandments but who could honestly read those and not make fun of this guy? To think you’re the authority on being a gentleman to begin with makes you a douche. When you use your own self proclaimed authority to construct a list of commandments on being a gentleman you become a super pretentious douche. When one of those commandments tells men to not be pretentious you are a totally self-unaware super mega douche. When the last commandment makes an arbitrary claim men can’t wear shorts and sandals in cities you win 2011’s Biggest Douche in the Universe award.
So congratulations Tom Ford, you are 2011’s Biggest Douche in the Universe! Enjoy this honor sweating in your pants and shoes all summer.
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