My life is better because I throw things

I throw everything I possibly can whenever I can. I throw, from a distance, tissues, paper towels, clothes, and really anything that I have to put into any kind of container. I will literally throw anything as long as I know the object that I’m throwing won’t break upon me throwing it and sometimes, I’ll still throw it at that point.

Think about the time I am saving in my life. All those times I’m at the sink and I dry my hands with a paper towel and just toss it 6 foot into the garbage and walk away or when I take off my shirt after a long day and toss it across the room into the clothes hamper. Those are precious seconds of my life I’m saving every day.

You might be saying, “Well what if you miss?” And I will answer this question by saying I am very good at throwing things. It’s really one of the things I can safely say few people are better at than I am. (You know outside of baseball pitchers but their definition of throwing and mine is quite different. I’d like to see them throw a bottle cap from the other room into the garbage 20 feet away while sitting down.) The point is, I rarely miss and when I do, it’s not like I wouldn’t have had to go over to the garbage or container I was throwing something into anyway. All I am doing is saving time and energy and developing a sweet depth perception.

You also might be saying, “Well if you’re so damn good at throwing things why don’t you get paid to throw things?” To that I say why do we have to get paid for every talent we possess? Also, what exactly am I going to get paid to do that involves throwing things, professional sports excluded?

I’m also helping out everyone around me by throwing everything. You have no idea how many times I’ve retrieved something for someone then tossed it to them with such touch it lands in their hands like a feather falling from a beautiful dove onto a water lily. If they didn’t catch it, it’s clearly their fault and not mine because let’s face it, I’m awesome at throwing things.

It's also helpful as a way to release anger. Every time I get angry, I start throwing stuff. Whether it's my hat, shoe, or iPhone, something is going to get chucked. It's a great way to release anger and as long as what you throw doesn't get broken and what your throwing at doesn't get damaged/hurt, I see no harm in it. When you contrast this with physically hitting something, where your hand/foot/appendage gets put directly in harms way, throwing something seems like the way to go in order to vent anger.

Overall, I have to say if you’re not throwing everything you possibly can into every container you could possibly fill by throwing something into it, you’re missing out. If I ask you to get me a drink and you don’t throw it to me, I’ll probably be offended. No scratch that, I’ll definitely be offended. I’m saving time and you’re walking all the way over to me like a sucker. Think next time and throw it to me. You're doing yourself and everyone around you a favor.